is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
