I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
