dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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