My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You really coming over, don't trick.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
