I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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