for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
