For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
