i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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