I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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