Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
