I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
