The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
