Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
