ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?

  Fav 21 814 2280

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

  Fav 32 3637 1341

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.

  Fav 11 4002 1311

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  Fav 3 2034 1022

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes

  Fav 9 864 2872

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now

  Fav 3 1434 722

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.

  Fav 3 1172 666

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT

  Fav 6 538 897

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge

  Fav 8 1592 1047

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.

  Fav 2 864 435

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...

  Fav 3 1021 557

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.

  Fav 1 870 492

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.

  Fav 0 630 424

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.

  Fav 0 534 282

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.

  Fav 0 44 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize