Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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