In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
did you just send me my own nude
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
