I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
