I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Couch. On fire.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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