the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
soo... how was my night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
