I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I die, sorry about rent.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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