No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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