Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
