my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
