So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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