I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
