I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
