I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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