no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
