what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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