I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
