this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
