The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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