Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
