my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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