woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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