Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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