My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
