Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
