I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
