if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
