I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
