I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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