So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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