I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
