Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
