i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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