let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
