Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
