The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
