I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
