Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
