Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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